ADHD and Developers
I wrote this article over a decade ago, and was afraid to publish it under my real name for fear it may negatively impact my career. I decided to post it here now. Maybe it will help someone else:
There are many things I’m not good at. But I’ve been very good at one important thing. I’ve spent most of my life developing coping skills for a pretty common affliction. An affliction I just realized a few years ago that I had — ADHD.
Observation
When I learned this about myself, I started to realize that several other people I know in my field also have ADHD, or show its traits. I figured that most people had some underlying symptoms, and that being in the software development field brought a lot these traits to the forefront. I just assumed most people felt like I did, because I thought I was (fairly) normal. Maybe that’s because the people I hang out with the most are in my field, and I’ve lived with people who also share many of my traits. But I see this a lot less in friends and family outside of my field.
Possible Reasons
I now believe that the reason so many people in software have ADHD is because of our desire for instant gratification; a key trait. Software development scratches that itch, so we’re naturally attracted to this field. Another commonality is how easily we become distracted. Our field moves so quickly. Many of us find this especially stimulating, even when scary. We get bored doing the same thing for a long time. We enjoy learning new tools and techniques. Often.
This is a generalization. I know.
Yes, there are some in our field who resist change, but I’m talking a significant percentage. I don’t know about any specific studies by field, but I’m going by observation. Again, the software development field provides people with ADHD satisfying opportunities that many other fields don’t, so we’re drawn to it, although we may never realize exactly why.
I’ve read articles that claimed good jobs for people with ADHD involve a lot of moving around and social activity. I think that’s too simplistic an answer. At the same time, aiming for a career in software development could be a double-edged sword. Although stimulating, sometimes we never get the chance to succeed because without some sort of coping mechanisms, we wouldn’t even be able to pass GO to make it in the field.
Signs
Are you concerned why you’ve only stuck with a single job for more than a couple of years; most of the time job hopping every two years or so? I used to think it’s because we feel it beneficial to our careers to grow and move forward quicker by jumping around a lot. That may be true, but a key reason is that we bore easily. What’s exciting at the start gets old quickly if we’re not constantly challenged with something new. Every so often, we find a job that gives us this opportunity internally (maybe even becoming self-employed). Check your resume — are the one or two jobs where you’ve stayed longer give you flexibility? Companies like Microsoft and Google seem to recognize this trait, and make transfer opportunities available in order to hold onto their good employees.
Awareness
Perhaps you now recognize this in yourself. Maybe you’ve never been diagnosed, but you’ve often wondered this, at least subconsciously. It was a colleague who made me aware a few years back. I was in management (soul-sucking, but that’s a whole other story), and I had just given him a pretty critical review. He opened up to me the fact that he had ADHD, and was just starting to get treatment. He described what went through his mind when his performance suffered, and what was holding him back.
He was describing me to me.
I had developed coping mechanisms over the years to deal with exactly the struggles he was going through. Only he hadn’t figured out how to cope on his own very well just yet. It’s completely understandable. I only developed some due to extreme stubbornness and luck. He had just started medication, and was working on exercises to help him navigate the issues that someone with ADHD has to deal with every single day, hour, and minute.
Total Exhaustion
Yes, I learned how to cope throughout my life, but when I heard what he was describing, I finally realized that was exactly why I was so exhausted and drained all the time. I was coping, but I was not coping as well as I could have, if I only knew what I was really fighting. Dealing with ADHD on your own, minute by minute, is absolutely exhausting! Especially when you don’t realize that ADHD is your problem. Sure, I’ve coped, and succeeded somewhat over the years. But the amount of effort I had to put into almost everything I did was utterly draining. Some things became easier over the years with practice. But you have to have systems and methods to deal with things as simple as listening to someone for more than 10 seconds without your eyes glazing over.
By the way, if you’ve already given up reading this, you may have ADHD. As a matter of fact, if you even tried to continue reading this article, you may have only reached this sentence on your fifth attempt. I say that because this text follows the fifth heading. And sufferers who’ve learned to cope often take reading breaks between such sections.
Paradoxically, if you haven’t reached this point, you won’t know that you may have ADHD.
On the other hand, if you *have* reached this point, either you don’t have it, or you’ve figured out strategies in your life for coping.
Thinking Back
Were you the kid with “has potential” written on their report card year after year? I was.
Here are several other memories that started flowing back from my childhood once I realized I had ADHD, and once the diagnosis was confirmed. Do any of these ring a bell?
On my first day in school ever, in kindergarten, I blurted out to a classmate, “You’re 4? Haha, I’m 5.” That messed up my school relationships for the next 5 or 6 years (until we moved).
In kindergarten, a kid playfully told me to twist his arm, so I did. I didn’t think I would hurt him. I impulsively did just what he said. You could imagine what happened.
When I was in first grade, at a classmate’s birthday party, I was running around and annoying everyone, but I had no idea why everyone seemed annoyed.
In second grade, my teacher swapped my seat with a learning disabled kid, right in front of her desk. I never understood exactly what I did to piss her off, but I was completely embarrassed the rest of the year.
My close friend’s mom used to call me “hard to handle” as a teenager, but I thought I was a nice, quiet kid.
When I was younger, and saw TV specials or news segments about kids with ADHD, I thought, “I know kids like that, all over the place all the time. They can’t sit still.” I didn’t recognize that although Iwasn’t very physically hyperactive, I was to a point, but even more so, mentally.
Observing Now
No matter what the conversation or meeting, after almost anything anyone says, my mind immediately comes up with a funny, witty, or snarky remark or response about it. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut. I do make people laugh a lot, but sometimes they’d have to refocus me and say, “let’s get serious and focus.” I’d often be the one to say that out loud to myself as well. I find it very difficult to quiet my mind. Exhausting.
I find silence incredibly uncomfortable. When I’m eating, I have to have the TV on in the background, even if I’m not watching or listening. I tell my wife that it’s because my mind is too noisy, so I need a distraction.
But at the same time, if I am hyper-focused (something we do a lot in our field, and is great for getting into “flow”), I have to shut out all sound, including music, and can work in silence for hours straight.
I drive fast. Way too fast. I absolutely hate driving. I always feel the world moves way too slowly for me, and can never understand why no one else needs to get somewhere, and how they can drive so slowly. Even when I’m early. The world is an obstacle course. Now I know why. But I’ve never been in an accident (save for the deer I hit while moving very slowly in the fog). I’m super hyper-focused when I drive. There’s a strategy hidden in that statement which I’ll discuss in the future. And it drives me crazy when people use the phone or text while driving. How can they hyper-focus when doing that?
I’m always in a rush. I was the guy weaving his way through the subway tunnels and city streets while everyone else just walked to work (even when I was early). I always eat my food as if someone would steal it from my plate.
No matter what I’m doing, I almost always feel I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time when I need to be doing something else.
It takes a major effort to complete side projects. I’ve used coping strategies all my life to make sure all my important work projects are completed, though, which is why I’ve been successful despite this affliction. People have always thought me super productive, but they have little idea what I put myself through to get things done.
I always feel I fall far short of all my goals. Always.
I always choose to sit in the front of the room for lectures. I used to think it was to become more involved. I now realize it’s to make sure I pay full attention, because the further back I’d sit, the more I’d drift off, no matter how interesting the topic.
I’d rather stand than sit, and I’d often get up from my seat to stand on the side of the room. Again, I realized that it allowed me to focus better (must be the “H” part of ADHD).
Anything sound familiar?
Remember, everyone has similar experiences from time to time. But people like me have experiences like these every single day. There aren’t any breaks.
So, we need coping mechanisms.
In future articles, I plan on discussing strategies, focusing (pun intended) on how software developers with ADHD can deal with these challenges. If you have ADHD, or feel that you may, or have a loved one who does and is in our field (or not; doesn’t really matter — these can help anyone), then please join me for these ideas and discussions.